Options...

...for my life....

So while considering my options for the future... I thought I'd write some out...

1) Stay in Lancelin til 2 May. Thats when my visa expires. I can make a bit more money. I won't be saving too much as there aren't too many hours. But it doesn't cost too much to live and I've cheap rent... as long as I can get food from Joondalup.

+ Pros: Cheap rent, beautiful and on the beach, save money
- Cons: Mike leaves in March, Lee's back in March, lonely and dark apartment, drink too much here
Can Change: get into a workout routine every morning, be okay with sitting alone and watching tv/movies/etc (like most adults!), do a windsurfing lesson or three with Mike, read, take advantage of the people that are in town

2) Go back to Sacramento. I don't know exactly why Sac, except I have friends and family there. Think I'd apply to start the teaching credential in January 2012 (Sept deadline). I feel like I only want to do it as its the 'easy' option and doesn't take any thought or effort. Not sure what I'd do until then, though. Have thought about: trying to find some government job... should be able to get some connections from Robb/friends? Maybe preschool teaching... even though that doesn't pay well and just not worth the effort/pay ratio! Other than that it'd be random retail/restaurant/secretary work? How would I benefit going back now. Maybe wait til August so I'm there with enough time to apply for credential program?

+ Pros: friends/family. Maybe someone would let me stay in a spare room for a bit? Spending time with Tyler. Maybe getting him into DeMolay? Volunteer with Bethel 3/Jobs Daughters.
- Cons: No car. No place to live. No real reason to be there. Feel a bit lost and 'stuck' if I go back. Hear the job prospects are slim. Friends are all in their own place in lives with kids/careers/etc.

3) Try anywhere USA! Could be somewhere in California or anywhere. Maybe Washington DC. I don't know that I'd have anymore luck than going back to Sac. And worse than that... I'd have no connections, friends, family, or anything!
+ Pros: clean slate. Job opportunities?
- Cons: No car. No place to live. No job. Lonely

4) Taiwan. I'd go to teach English. However, its scary because I know its a smoggy, humid/rainy country... and I know that weather/smog really drive me mad. I'm not sure how I'd do in a non english speaking Country, again. Its overwhelming knowing I'd have to find a job, a flat, friends and everything from scratch. I'd be very lonely, hot, and sweaty... overwhelming sounding. But it'd also give me a job that I'd have for a year... and enable me to use as experience if I want to continue to do it as a career.... which I don't actually know until I do it!

+ Pros: year long contract. CV advancing. New Country. New opportunities. Chance to save a bit of money? Chance to maybe do online credential program.
- Cons: Overwhelming to start with: no job, flat, friends. Lonely. No English.

5) Africa (somewhere, obviously thats a continent not a country.) I'd find somewhere to volunteer: teaching english, working with an Orphanage, pretty much anything. It'd be scary, overwhelming, lonely, non english speaking, isolating, basic amenities (most likely).... but its somewhere I've always wanted to go and something I've always wanted to do. I feel like it'd give me a bit of a purpose. I'm scared I won't have enough money to travel a bit of Africa if I go and get to the next spot after, though. I'm overwhelmed with trying to find somewhere that doesn't cost thousands of dollars... obviously paying for my accomadation/food is fine. I'd love to find a proper nonprofit... that maybe I can learn some of the office stuff, as well?

+ Pros: Fulfillment. Purpose. Volunteering. New Country (ies?). New opportunities.
- Cons: Costs. Scary and lots of unknown. Lonely. No english.


Basically... I feel like I'm always planning three months at a time. I feel like my dream would be to go to Africa but it'd cost all of my money to go for a short period of time.. and I'd have no money to get out. Plus, I'd be planning little bits again. And I'm kinda over that. I don't know what or how I'm supposed to decide. Do I go easy and go home. Go where I'm pretty sure I can get a job and go to Taiwan. Do I do the scariest and go to Africa? Ahh... either way its all scary... because I only have a tiny tiny bit of savings and thats got to get me through whereever i go and on to the next spot. Ugh. I do know I need a bit of purpose in my life. I can't see myself traveling endlessly forever... but I do still LOVE traveling! I need a bit of purpose in the travel though!

I need to figure out what I want to do LONG TERM. Over and over, 2 ideas continue to come up and I guess I'm a bit torn on which direction to go. 1) Teaching or teaching abroad. For this I can get my credential and then either stay in the States and get some experience and then get a proper teaching job overseas. There will always be places hiring teachers abroad... even if its just teaching english... having my credential would give me a hire pay scale. 2) Working for a non profit. If I do this I'd need to get my masters. That comes down to time/money/experience. Many of the programs you need to have experience.. and all of them you have to be able to afford it! Ugh. If only I hadn't screwed myself over with the student loans. Children: Thats number 1 to help. I love working with kids and want to either work to help them in a nonprofit or teach them and help them grow in this world!

I noticed in EACH of these opportunities I wrote 'lonely' as a Con. I think I need to work on myself. Obviously I get bored sitting alone and doing things without others. I need to work on being 'okay' with sitting for a few nights by myself and reading/watching tv/or whatever. For some reason this has always bothered me... even if I do it often. I need to learn to love myself... because no one will want to spend time with me if I'm not okay with me!

Obviously I have some soul searching to do. Which direction do I want to go? Which path do I follow... road do I take. As individual and independent as I've always been. I think its scary sometimes and I guess I'm at the point where I wish someone would just figure it out for me. I've not felt this 'lost' in 4 years since I finished Uni and booked my ticket overseas. Its like I need a new hurdle. Well, apparently, now its time to figure out a bit of my future. I would love any advice, thoughts, or anything.

<3 me